In 2015, I wrote a review on “Fifty Shades of Grey” shortly after it hit the theaters. Initially, I blasted the movie. I was especially worried that people without any relation to BDSM would get a completely wrong impression.
Then, a few weeks later, I argued that the “Fifty Shades“ discussion may have at least some ups as well: Following the story, which may well be worthy of some criticism, provides an excellent opportunity to talk about grey areas (no pun intended!) / setting limits / ambivalent feelings and reflect on one’s own BDSM behavior or BDSM ethics.
And finally, I took a look at the book and was pleased to find that Anna in the literary model feels more of an urge to participate in discipline practices as is shown in the movie. I also realized from a number of contributions written by readers from outside the scene, who nevertheless regard themselves to be BDSM people, that other ideas and approaches to session leading or partnership, or even ways of life, with a partner based on mutual consent exist, in particular with 24/7 erotic power exchange or total power exchange (EPE or TPE, respectively).They may contradict the way I define and live BDSM for myself, but they do work for the respective people.
And now, at the beginning of 2018, a man approached me, asking to find him a partner. My first spontaneous thought was “Why the heck should a woman like that exist at all?” But then I remembered that women like that might be out there. The relationship model he is describing is strikingly similar to that of Christian Grey and Anna.
However, the most important points of criticism I had brought up against the fictitious Christian do not apply to the real-life businessman (who is, of course, no billionaire, but honestly wants to provide his sub with a beautiful life, elegant wardrobe, formal dance events, and other social and cultural pleasures): He came to me to make sure he will find a woman who is truely into devotion, so that no abusive structures develop. I told him that I have no experience with such relationship constellations and even doubt their existence, but that I would be happy to look for it to the best of my ability and belief via the BDSM forums/platforms I know.
Are you an Anna looking for a Christian? Attractive, young, willing to submit to a strict but at the same time caring dom? Are you monogamous and want kids? Are you interested in styling, makeup, elegant clothing, and social amusement? Does a woman like that really exist? If so, please read more about his D/S life motto and his goals.